Wednesday, 25 June 2008

  • The Hot Girl's Token Funny Friend

    One of my most frustrating vices is my sidekick complex. I'm not sure how I developed it, but since my teenage years, I've occasionally dipped into the self-deprecating conviction that I am nothing more than, "[insert name here]'s nerdy/awkward/less pretty/designated driver friend." In the Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson scope of things, I am Watson. I'm always a Pussycat, and never Josie, always the Patrick to the SpongeBobs of the world. It's kind of pathetic, I know, but during those really low self-esteem times I wonder if I'm one of those people who's attracted to Queen Bees/Alpha Females. Since their self-esteem isn't high enough for them to strike out independently, they automatically content themselves with befriending a person they're secretly envious of. Is that me? GAHH!!!

    I feel insecure when I'm around friends who are naturally good at things I try hard at, or who have experienced more success than me. Back in high school, I had a friend who was considered one of the prettiest girls in school. While I had puffy hair, crooked glasses, and upper lip fuzz at the time, I didn't care that much about appearances so I didn't feel like the nerdy friend just because she looks better than me. The sidekick complex really kicked in when guys started chasing her though - it wasn't so much that I wanted guys to like me too, but that I became the friend they would obligingly acknowledge to impress her. Whenever the guys ran into the two of us, they'd flirt shamelessly with her and give me a polite "hi," but whenever I crossed their paths without her, they'd totally ignore me. Before long, I *did* become insecure about my appearance, personality, and appeal factor. I determined that I simply wasn't cute or bubbly enough for high school guys to notice me on their own (oh, the tragedy!) My teenage self thought: Great, confirmation that the only reason people talk to me is that they want to win over my hot friend!  In retrospect: LAME.

    Now that I'm five years older and (hopefully) wiser, I'm more aware of the number of times I still compare myself to other people. When it comes to my social life, I often feel like the token wallflower. When I first entered college, I was very lonely and had a really hard time making friends, whereas my old high school buddies made tons of friends during their first week and were very happy. I thought that I MUST be socially crippled - and when I'm at my apartment checking Facebook on a Friday night and I see that my acquaintances are all out partying or having fun, I think to myself - man, I'm a total no-lifer! I eventually made a friend in college who started out a little shy, just like me, but now she LOVES meeting new people, whereas I still want to run away screaming when forced to make new friends or acquaintances. Why has she gotten over her shyness? Why am I still socially awkward? WHY, GOD, WHY???, I asked myself. My friend and I joined a club together, and soon people were calling her up and talking to her, whereas I remained in the background. Of course, she attracted many guys, and all of them added me on AIM and would try coercing me into talking about her. I started getting flashbacks of my high school days of being the geeky friend of the "It" girl and fell into a pretty sad cycle of self-pity.

    The more I considered myself a sidekick, the more subpar my experiences became. My friends found jobs and internships that they were happy with, which made me feel mediocre as I did not enjoy mine. My friends got boyfriends, and I remained single. When I did start seeing someone, he broke my heart whereas my friends' guys treated them like angels. When I went out dancing with my friends, guys would ask for their name and their number, whereas my guys would just ask for my body (which always earns them an emphatic NO!!!!)

    Then, one night, not long after I'd reunited (again) with God, He granted me an epiphany: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. He has made everything beautiful in its time. - Ecclesiastes 3:1,11a

    It turns out that Miss Marigold isn't a weed, she's a late bloomer.

    I can't stress how important time was to this realization. I got over the guy and by the time I'd fully embraced the single life the friends I'd been envious of were experiencing their own relationship drama. In time, I made new friends on my own terms. In time, I found a fellowship I was happy with. In time, I found better job fits and became much more useful. In time, I realized that I'm really not a party animal, so staying home with my DVDs over the weekend suits me just fine!

    For as long as I live, I will always encounter someone who's prettier, smarter, or richer than me. The bottom line is, what does their life really say about mine? Pretty much nothing, unless I want it to. I have faith in God's plan for me; He knows what I need, and He'll give it to me during the right time.

    "I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live." We're all destined for the ground, anyway, so I might as well enjoy myself while living above it instead of resenting those who have it "better" than me.

    That being said, I should probably pull up this post come Valentine's Day, if by then I'm still celebrating it with I Love the 80s marathons and cold ramen for one.

    How often (or extensively) do you compare yourself to your friends? How do you deal with the envy when your life doesn't seem so great?

     

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